but go well anyway
...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the
collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to
gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for
a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set
of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his
neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the
ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer
carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I
guess you can come in -- just don't start anything."
...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman...
She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads
with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."
...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why
the long face...
...These two strings walk upto a bar... The first string walks in and
orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve
strings in this bar... The other string ruffs himself up on the street
and curls up and orders... The bartender shouts, Hey, didn't you hear
what I told your buddy?" String says "Yeah." Bartender says, "aren't
you a string?" ... String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."
...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We
have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You
have a drink named Steve?!"
...This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a
mop..."
...A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at
his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later
the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said
your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied,
"That's not my dog."
...A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The
bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the
neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
...A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the
man who shot my paw..."
...A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but
I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says,
"Because you can't hold your liquor..."
...Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted...
...Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll
have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said
the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and
one blood lite..."
...Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an
electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm
positive...'
...Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of
cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One
of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured
individuals."
...a man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped
the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around he
noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at
the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt."
At this, the man called the bartender over,"Hey...i must be losing my
mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice
things, and there's not a soul in here other than us." "It's the
peanuts" answered the bartender. "Say what?" "You heard me" said the
barkeep."it's the peanuts... they're complimentary."
...Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist;s Novocain
Read more at www.cis.upenn.edu
during root canal work because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
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