It is a sad truth that often fail to have conversations with the people closest to us, or to let people know what we think or feel in a way that enables them to listen, not just to hear. So, the people who most need to know don't know, even though they've been told. And that's partly because the person telling is often yelling - or blaming, shaming, intimidating, bullying, sulking or in myriad ways punishing the other person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who cares?
I advocate starting from a different angle: why should anyone care? That does NOT mean that I do not think people should care, it means that, unless other people share - or at least understand - our values, beliefs, rationale, moral perspective, etc., THEY will not feel motivated or energised enough to treat us in ways that we experience as caring.
Shouting at someone, for example, to shut up and listen, rarely gets them to listen.
This is the idea that most people find most troubling - altho many millions laughed our socks off at: "Am I bovered? Does this face looked bovered?" Or, "The computer says No!", which touches on the same idea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who can?
For me, this is about people learning to take responsibility (with help, if necessary) for what they contribute to the ongoing problems they struggle with. Most of my Crafty Listening work involves enabling and empowering people to listen, to ask questions that explore the other person's perspective and, hopefully, to understand them first.
Some people cannot do this because they are so full of hurt that it makes them hateful!
Unable to forgive, they believe and feel they can give nothing until they have made others suffer.
Can they change that?
Of course! Is it easy?
Of course NOT!
It will take time, effort, energy, Emotional Intelligence, giving up hoping for a better past, maybe professional help, certainly personal insight and so much more.
Who CAN do that? If not ME - YOU - or whoever's suffering - then who?
Go well
See this Amp at http://amplify.com/u/9fof
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your comments, questions, thoughts or feelings will be very welcome!
go well