What a wonderful gift it is to be heard, acknowledged, validated.
Will you
please just listen?
When I ask you
to listen and you start giving advice, you have
not done what I have asked.
When I ask you
to listen and you start telling me why I
shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.
When I ask you
to listen and you start trying to solve my
problem, I feel underestimated and disempowered.
When I ask you
to listen and you start telling me what I need to
do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.
When I ask you
to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may
be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am
not helpless.
When I ask you
to listen and you do things which I can and need
to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.
But when you
accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend
time and energy trying to defend myself or
convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why
I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.
And when I do
that, I don't need advice, just support, trust
and encouragement.
Please
remember that what you think are "irrational
feelings" always make sense if you take time
to listen and understand me.
Listen, LISTEN
When you
listen you affirm me
but your listening must be real
sensitive and serious
not looking busily around
not with a worried or distracted frown
not preparing what you are going to say next
but giving me your full attention.
You are telling me i am a person of value
important and worth listening to
one with whom you will share yourself.
I have ideas to share
feelings which i too often keep to myself
deep questions which struggle inside me for
answers
I have hopes only tentatively acknowledged
which are not easy to share
and pain and guilt and fear i try to stifle
These are sensitive areas and a real part of me
but it takes courage to confide in another
I need to listen too if we are to become close
How can i tell you i understand?
I can show interest with my eyes or an occasional
word
attuned to pick up not only spoken words
but aloso the glimmer of a smile
a look of pain, the hesitation, the struggle
which may suggest something as yet too deep for
words
So let us take time together
respecting the others freedom
encouraging without hurrying
understanding that some things may never be
brought to light
but others may emerge if given time
Each through this listening, enriches the other
with the priceless gift of intimacy.
by Keith Pearson, Melbourne, Australia
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