My mother had a youngter sister - Jo.
I never met her, but she had a kind of legendary status because, when she was 19, she went to the corner shop, two minutes walk away, for a bottle of milk.
Apart from occasional alleged sightings - this was in London's famous East End - her family heard little and saw nothing of her for almost 25 years!
When she did get back in touch, there was a BIG East-end family gathering; welcoming the prodigal daughter home, I suppose.
One of her many relatives rushed to hug her, uttering the immortal phrase:
"It's a f*#~ing good job you didn't go for a pint of milk!"
Jo's explanation was that, when she got to the corner, all those years ago, she hadn't thought about leaving but, as she stepped off the pavement, she said to herself, "I can't go back!" and she just carried on walking.
NO! Not for quarter of a century, don't be silly!
Less than eighteen months after her return, she committed suicide!
I've often wondered what it was she was walking (running?) away from or reaching out for when she turned her back on her family>
Did she know that she was going to kill herself and came back to 'punish' someone; or did she hope that, after all that time, she would find whatever it was that she'd been seeking before and after she left?
Over the years, I've worked with many people who have attempted suicide or been bereaved by the suicide of someone they cared about.
A common theme from the latter is, "Why didn't he say?" "She was the life and soul of the party!" "He was always so cheerful."
It seems likely to me that s/he did say, or made efforts to communicate their pain, but friends and family could not cope with the revelation, or dismissed it as not too important, or attempted to 'Rescue' the unhappy, distressed, anxious, lonely soul by getting them focus on something cheerful or positive.
Good intentions, well meant.
However, if people are prevented from expressing their feelings and emotions in a healthy way, those feelings might get buried and the physiological aspects of stress start to accumulate until they develop into DIStress.
The symptoms of distress echo and reverberate through every crack and crevice of our head, heart, gut, body, mind and spirit.
Every relationship can be contaminated by it; self-esteem diminished, confidence eroded, trust eliminated.
When THAT happens, a person can end up feeling isolated and alone, even when surrounded by people who genuinely love and care about them. That can add guilt to all the other not-OK feelings.
And it might, just maybe, lead to resentment, albeit unconscious - such that attempts at suicide are not just cries for help but resentful acts of retaliation against those who not only 'failed' to alleviate the sufferer's pain, but also blamed them for it.
Loneliness is the inability to communicate the things that really matter to us!
And other people's inability to listen without trying to fix it, can contribute to that frustration.
There are ways of connecting and responding, without being overwhelmed by the other's pain. Simple techniques abound, but most important of all are some the key elements of Emotional Intelligence - self-awareness, self-management and empathy without pity.
Go well
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
80-Year-Old Harry Lee McGinnis Walks Around the World
For the last 18 years, Harry Lee McGinnis has been walking his way around the entire globe, carrying nothing but a backpack and a walking stick.
Harry Lee McGinnis, better known as “The Hawk,” has seen his fair share of the world. He’s trekked through all 50 states, criss-crossed the Continent, and explored the depths of Asia, Africa, and South America, carrying only a 100-pound backpack and a large steel-tipped walking staff, walking everywhere he goes. You might imagine this intrepid adventurer as a young Indiana Jones type, but picture Indy’s dad instead: McGinnis is 80 years old.
His age hasn’t slowed him down for a second, though. For the last 18 years, this World War II veteran and former Methodist minister has committed his life to exploring the world by foot, taking other means of transportation only under extremely rare circumstances.
To date, he’s made his way through 66 different countries, dining on roasted termites and other exotic dishes, encountering elephants and apes, and making new friends in every country he passes through. His feet have logged about 80,000 miles so far, and he plans to explore Central America and Mexico before finally concluding his round-the-world journey in Texas. Until then, he’s writing updates about his international adventures on his website, Walk of the Hawk.
He doesn’t expect to be finished with his journey until 2010 or 2012, but he’s still got plenty of plans for the rest of his days: When he finally heads home, he’ll write a book about his decades of wandering the planet.
And after that? “I want to play tennis at 100,” he told Reuters, though he’ll concede “it might have to be doubles.”
Read more at gimundo.com
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your comments, questions, thoughts or feelings will be very welcome!
go well